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Introduction



The biggest myth is thinking that high performing teen girls have it better than other girls or that they have it all.


Well, they don’t. They face challenges just like the rest of the kids their age. Some challenges are similar to what other teens normally go through. Other challenges are way way different. And the greatest challenges are those that remain hidden.


Usually, when a typical teen is going through tough challenges, their academic performance is the first to suffer. Their concerning behaviour at school and the drop in their grades tend to be the alarms that get their parents’ attention. But this is not the case for high performers, who know how to stay on top of their grades, who manage to avoid behaviours and events that would make their parents overly concerned, and who work hard at pretending that everything is okay.


There are some challenges which, unless the teen opens up about them, you are less likely to know that they are even happening.


When high performers don’t open up at all, their challenges escalate. In extreme cases, things eventually blow up as an unexpected break-down or falling in big trouble or an accident out of nowhere. But in most cases, the challenges are just carried on with them into adulthood.


Your daughter’s unresolved challenges during her teenage years will turn into limitations for her as an adult woman. They will cause her pain and frustration in her relationships with other people, with her work, with herself. They will turn into inner gremlins that stand in the way of her highest success, that sabotage her dreams.


I know this, because I grew up as a high performer and I had my own big share of inner gremlins.


First, I do want to acknowledge the good habits I had built as a teen. These habits helped me become a high performing woman who’s established a successful career in engineering, while being a mother of four and while navigating life as an immigrant in a country far from home. But I also want to say that I hid a lot of my challenges as a teen. There were times when I didn’t speak up when I should have. For example, I internalised a lot of my troubles. I ended up carrying my unresolved challenges with me into adulthood and they made me suffer. My biggest gremlins were perfectionism, over-working, people-pleasing, and evaluating my self-worth based on my achievements only. Until at one point in my life, I burned out.


It was a couple of years after my fourth son was born. My family and I had already settled in New Zealand, the country of my dreams. By that time, I’d taken a number of positive parenting courses to give the best to my growing kids, and I thought I was doing a good job as a parent. I’d also progressed in my engineering career, and I was the main income provider of my family. So, on the outside, it looked like I was living my best life, but on the inside, I was far from fulfilled.


I had the tendency to work long hours, put my self-care last on my list of priorities, and neglect my hobbies and my downtime. These were the exact same unhealthy habits that I had during high school and university.


I ended up mentally, emotionally, and physically stressed out. My chronic back pain escalated, until I collapsed.


That was my big wake up call. I was finally forced to change my way of living.


My journey of figuring my way out of burn-out, and of staying out of burn-out while continuing to provide for my family, took me down the path of re-inventing my relationship with my own inner-self and redefining my self-worth.


I discovered that most of my limitations and self-sabotaging patterns had taken hold of me during my teen years. I found myself face to face with my inner gremlins, most of which, I was never aware they even existed.


My journey was far from easy, but it was worth it. Today, not only are my burn-out days long gone, but I'm also on a soul-filling path aligned with my heart's highest calling.


Looking back, I appreciate all my painful experiences. They’ve made me grow, and they’ve given me awareness. I now want to pay it forward to the world.


I wrote this book to shine light on the challenges that high-performing teen girls face, to explain these challenges, and to give moms some practical tools, on how to handle them in the right way.


My intended audience are moms and those who are playing the role of maternal caretakers. Curious dads are welcome to read it too, as long as they remain open and willing to embrace the feminine nature of life.


This book focuses on teen girls and those who identify as female. Our high performing teen boys have a whole bunch of other challenges to deal with, which demands that a whole other book gets written.


I’m excited to say that we’re at the dawn of a new age, and this requires a whole new approach to parenting. Did you know that the future jobs your kids will hold do not exist yet? Did you know that our entire economies, social constructs, educational systems, are all being transformed and refined at this very minute?


We as parents need to be at the forefront. After all, we’re the ones raising our future leaders, and change always starts in the home. Imagine our children as saplings and imagine us as the earth giving them the aligned conditions to grow and flourish naturally, without needing to stress and struggle.


Looking back on my growth journey, I appreciate all my struggles. They’ve made me grow, and they’ve given me awareness.


Pain was my path to growth.


Pain doesn’t have to be the path for our new generations.


I believe we humans have come to a point where we can learn and grow by grace and ease and love, instead of by pain and hardship.


An idealistic view of life, you might say, but I’m holding on to it. I’m fighting for it. It’s what fuels me and my service as a coach for parents and teens.


Also, we as women have suffered enough.


In these changing times, women all over the world are rising as heart-centred business owners, as visionaries, as mindful leaders who are transforming the world into a better place.


Your daughter is on her way to be an empowered woman, too.


It all starts here with you, her mother.


I want to give you the confidence and peace of mind that you’re well prepared to do the best for your daughter. And I want you to have more grace and joy in your mother-daughter relationship.


I invite you to make some quiet time for this book, and bring in your full presence and attention.


Your brilliant daughter is worth it.

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